Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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