I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
