id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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