those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
