and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize