I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
