i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
