I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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