he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
