Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
