you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
