I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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