I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
