Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
