I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
