i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
