I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
