I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
