Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
