If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
