I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
