i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?