Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your dad touched me again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.