i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.