she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.