I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
