Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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