You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
