These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
