A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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