you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
