After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
