so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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