I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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