no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
