Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
