11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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