I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
