In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
another moral hangover. fuck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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