yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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