the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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