I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
