quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
