my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
