I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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