And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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