But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
