if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this hospital has no fireball
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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