I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My cat gives me a boner
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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