my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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