I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
