it wasn't lemon gatorade
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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