i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
