I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
