if only i could text you this smell
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
