It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
