i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
