i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
