sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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