Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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