I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
