Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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