My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
