allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
