Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my being single is dangerous.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
