high people should be assigned attendants
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
