____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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