omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
