You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
