if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
