I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
