sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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