I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
