are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
