the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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