So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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