with your own penis?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
