I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
