I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
