well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
