I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
