I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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