i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
