I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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