it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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